Reflections after Visit 27.11.2012

Visit with the boys yesterday was heartbreaking. They communicate love and warmth to me; they are the sweetest-natured children, but they cannot respond to any questions or say a single sentence. They do not even talk to one another. They can make sounds and point at things but that is about all. The 2 Filipinos that are with them all the time speak pigeon English and very poor German. Is it any wonder my children cannot speak? It’s as though their minds have shut down, they are just surviving. Not moving forward, not developing, merely existing; staying alive hour to hour, day to day.

It is apparent they are not being stimulated or nurtured to develop like other children their age and in just 6 hours per week, I can no longer have any real influence on their development.
It is a terrifying feeling to watch my 2 once perfectly healthy, intelligent, lively boys being destroyed before my eyes and feel so powerless to prevent it. I thank G-d for giving them the strength to have coped as well as they have done until now, given the trauma they have experienced. Before they were so cruelly taken, I couldn’t even imagine spending one day apart from them. Looking back, every day I spent with them was such a precious gift. No mother should ever take her child for granted.

I was blessed to bring 2 beautiful babies into the world, both physically and mentally, they were 100% healthy. Like any mother, experiencing every stage of their development: first roll, first time sitting up, first crawl, first steps, first word, brings indescribable joy and pleasure. Sadly, that all came to an abrupt halt. Instead, I am now watching the painful process in reverse, as my boys continue to regress and display increasing signs of disturbance.
When children are sick and suffer due to illness or disease, it is tragic and devastating. Knowing that Samuel & Benjamin’s problems are all man-made is sickening and perverse.

Worse, the realisation that the faith and trust we put in the very organisations set up to protect and support vulnerable children like Sammy and Benji, was so misplaced, was the worst betrayal of all.


Reflections after Visit 27.11.2012 — 1 Comment

  1. I am really moved by your writing Beth and am so frustrated and angry that you are going through this torment. My daughter had a similar experience in South Africa but she was granted residency of her child on condition that she lives in South Africa (without her support system who live in Israel.) I wish you and your boys only the best. They will learn to understand and appreciate what a special mother they have.

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